


Babysitting the Avengers

by worddancer



Series: The Babysitters Club- Avengers Edition [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Babysitting, Darcy is a bamf, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Post Civil War, establishedish clint/darcy, mentions of non consensual medical testing, pre ultron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4455062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worddancer/pseuds/worddancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy has experience wrangling scientists but she's still surprised when Pepper wants to hire her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Babysitting the Avengers

**Author's Note:**

> So I started typing this on my phone last night while at work and I accidently pressed post. I'm sorry to everyone who had to read the 200 some words that posted. Either way here is the whole story. This takes place after Civil War but is before Age of Ultron.
> 
> Brief mentions of panic attacks and non consenual medical testing

Darcy knew she was a glorified babysitter. She'd known from the minute Pepper Pots hired her. Darcy had been in the lab trying to wrangle Tony, Jane and Bruce to all sit and eat lunch at the same time. She still didn't know where that bright idea had come from.

Pepper had walked in just as they all sat down. The older woman had taken one look at the three high maintenance scientists sitting down at the same time with food in front of them. At lunch time.

"You're hired." Pepper told Darcy.

Maybe Darcy was way too used to eccentric people because she didn't blink. Nope she just smiled and promptly forgot as Tony tried to get up before he finished eating. At least she forgot until she got a call from Pepper's PA asking her to come down from the apartments for a meeting with Pepper. For a moment Darcy was terrified Pepper would accuse her of sleeping with Tony.

It wasn't a proud moment.

"I have a contract for you." Pepper said as Darcy walked into the huge office.

"What?" Darcy asked confused.

"Your contract. I was serious about hiring you. Your lawyer can look it over. If you don't have one let me know. We'll hire you an independent lawyer to help you negotiate." Pepper said handing her a thick file.

"You actually want to hire me?" Darcy asked disbelief creeping into her voice. "To do what?"

"Handle the Avengers." Pepper said as of it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Which it wasn't just to be clear.

"You want me to be a babysitter? To super heroes?" Darcy asked.

"No I want you to handle them. Make sure they eat, sleep, drink something without alcohol maybe get out a bit. Plus handle their PR and anything else that comes up within reason." Pepper explained.

"So a babysitter." Darcy repeated, "what's this?" She asked holding up the folder.

"Your contract. It has a standard non disclosure agreement. We give them to everyone. It outlines your benefits, your salary and gives you power to do your own hiring if you need a team. " Pepper explained. "Do you have a lawyer?"

"Ummm... No?" Darcy said a bit shell shocked, "What about Jane?"

"I counted her in your contract. Her coming was contingent on you you coming also. I figured it worked both ways." Pepper picked up her desk phone and pushed a few buttons, Lauren I need a lawyer in here."

"Right away Ms. Potts. I'll send up someone from legal." Pepper's assistant said over the speaker.

"No Lauren we need someone from out of house if you would." Peper said.

"Alright I'll have someone here in twenty." Lauren said unfazed.

"Thank you Lauren." Pepper said before clicking a button on the phone. "Why don't you look over it a bit before the lawyer gets here. If you see anything you want to add or change mark it."

Darcy nodded mutely before taking the offered pen and began to read. The first part outlined the non disclosure act. That didn't worry her. She signed one after New Mexico and now the Avengers and co were some of her closest friends. She had no desire to run to the tabloids. After the NDA the interesting things came. The job outline was vague but she'd basically do what pepper had already said- feed, water and schedule things for the team. She looked at the spot that outlined her salary and gasped out loud.

“You want to pay me high six figures to babysit?” She demanded.

“I want to pay you that to babysit a Russian assassin, an ex carnie turned sniper turned spy, a super solider, an eccentric billionaire genius, a norse god, an absent minded astrophysicist and a third scientist who also happens to turn into the Hulk. Plus when Jane, Tony and Bruce are in the same lab things tend to blow up more often.” Pepper said dryly.

“Well when you put it that way...” Darcy said, “Still feels like a really big bribe for something I don’t know about yet.”

“No the bribes start on page ten.” Pepper said smiling before going back to her own paperwork. Darcy immediately skipped ahead to the mentioned pages.

“You’re giving me a company card?” She demanded.

“For team related expenses. Including field trips.”

“A clothing allowance?” Darcy’s eye brows shot above her head when she saw the amount listed.

“You’ll end up having to attend all sorts of events plus press conferences. You need to look the part.” Pepper told her.

“I’ll buy it. What’s with the freaking housing allowance? I live in the tower. Rent free.” Darcy pointed out.

“We’ll put your office on the floor below the apartments. The housing allowance is in case you don’t want to live where you work.” Pepper explained.

“I kind of already do.” Darcy said.

“I know, but I want you to have the option not to.” Pepper said as a knock sounded on the door. “Come in.” Pepper said.

“Ms. Fredricks from Fredricks, Mathews, and Bosche.” Lauren announced.

“Thank you Lauren. Sarah so good to see you!” Pepper said as a tall regal looking black woman entered the office.

“Good to see you too Pepper. Lauren said you wanted me to look over a contract?” Sarah asked.

“Yes, Darcy here didn’t have a lawyer so if you wouldn’t mind? I wanted someone independent from SI to negotiate for her.” Pepper explained.

“No problem. Do you have a copy for me?” Sarah asked grabbing an electric purple pair of reading glasses from her briefcase. The three women sat in silence as Sarah began to read through the contract. Pepper turned back to her paperwork and Darcy pulled out her phone to send a text to Jane reminding her to eat lunch. After that she began to scroll through social media.

“The NDA shouldn’t be a problem, it’s standard to the rest of SI with some language specific to the Avengers.” Sarah said after another half an hour, “But I want a four percent raise each year written in along with three weeks guaranteed vacation time that can be taken at any time barring an international emergency. If there is an international emergency while on vacation the entire vacation will be re added to available vacation time.”

“Done.” Pepper said without blinking. “Anything else?”

“Everything else looks good to me.” Sarah said looking over her notes. “Darcy do you have any questions?"

“Ummm, I don’t think so?” Darcy said.

“Great, if you have any questions feel free to give me a call. There’s a clause saying any attorney you put on retainer will be paid for by SI so let us know if you’re interested in becoming a client. Pepper it’s always good to see you.” Sarah handed Darcy a card before heading out of the office.

“So do you want the job?” Pepper asked, “We’ll have the changes to the contract made and we can sign later today if you want. The contract is up for yearly review to make sure everyone is happy with it.”

“Ok, yeah. I’ll take the job I guess.” Darcy said not believing what just happened.

“Good.” Pepper said looking pleased with herself. “Here’s a company card, go shopping for a wardrobe. Tomorrow we’ll start setting up your office and drafting a press release to announce your new position.”

“You realize you just handed me an unlimited black Amex card right?” Darcy asked staring at the bit of plastic in her hand.

“Yes I did. Wear whatever you want in the office but get things for press conferences, meetings and a few formal dresses. There’s several charity gala’s coming up and it’d be nice for the Avengers to be represented there. You’ll go to as many as possible- hopefully with members from the team there too.”

“Ok, best day ever. I am allowed to tell my mom right?” Darcy checked.

“As long as you don’t spill any state secrets or anything specific about the Avengers that won’t be a problem. We’re gonna tell the world anyway.” Pepper said.

“Sweet.” Darcy said pulling her phone out of her pocket again. “Thank you Pepper, really.”

“Tell me that in three months and I’ll believe you.” Pepper told the younger woman as she left the office.

Darcy quickly called her mother in the elevator on her way up to her, Jane and Thor’s floor. After she hung up her phone she texted Jane to see if the scientist could come shopping. Darcy wasn’t surprised when Jane said she had to finish her experiment before she could leave.

“Jarvis, is Natasha in the tower?” Darcy asked the AI.

“Yes, she’s currently in her apartment.” The AI responded.

“Would you mind asking her if she could help me with some shopping?” Darcy asked.

“Certainly.” The crisp British voice came over the air. “Ms. Romanov said she would be delighted to accompany you and will meet you in the lobby in five minutes.”

“Thanks J-man.” Darcy told him as she headed over to the elevator.

“It is no trouble Ms. Lewis.”

Darcy headed down to the lobby and found Natasha waiting for her. The Russian spy looked perfectly put together in a pair of slacks and sweater.

“Congratulations Darcy!” Natasha said hugging Darcy close.

“How do you already know?” Darcy demanded unsurprised as she hugged back.

“Pepper emailed me about it yesterday. It drives Tony crazy when he thinks I know more about SI than he does.” Natasha explained.

“Isn’t not knowing much about SI the reason he turned it over to Pepper?” Darcy asked as the women fell into step walking outside the Tower to hail a taxi.

“Yes.” Natasha said simply, “I already called ahead to where we’re going. They’re ready for us.”

“I called you like two minutes before I saw you. Where are we going?” Darcy asked.

“Oscar de la Renta.” Natasha said.

“You need an appointment to shop there. And a much bigger bank account than what I have.” Darcy said stopping in her tracks.

“We have an appointment and you have a SI credit card in your hand. It was Pepper’s idea- she has a standing appointment there and called for us.” Natasha grabbed Darcy’s hand and pulled her into the cab. Soon the two women were standing outside the opulent store. Darcy looked down at her jeans, cardigan and Chuck Taylors feeling very self conscious.

“I’m not sure I’m allowed in stores like this.” Darcy said.

“Well you are now. Come on- they’ve been pulling things in your sizes.” Natasha grabbed Darcy’s hand again and pulled her into the store.

Darcy had been shocked when she discovered how touchy the Russian woman could be with those she liked. Now it seemed normal.

“Ms. Rushman, it is so good to see you. Please come in. Ms. Pots already sent over Ms. Lewis’ size and measurements. Miranda has been pulling some things. If you two will just come this way.” A polished woman came up to them the minute they walked in.

“Joan, it’s great to see you too. Thank you so much for squeezing us in.” Natasha said.

“It’s our pleasure!” Joan led them through the store and to the private sitting area. “Miranda will be right back with the racks we put together. We went with a combination of bold and more subdued outfits for the work day and several cocktail and evening gowns for any functions. I’ll be right back with some refreshments.”

“Thank you.” Natasha said sitting down on one of the couches.

“Well this does beat an unpaid internship.” Darcy said joining Natasha on the couch. “Hell this beats my current paid internship.”

“Well you really are the best candidate for this job.” Natasha said as another polished woman brought in three different clothing racks. “Thank you Miranda, do you mind if we have some privacy- we can call you if we have any questions.”

“Of course Ms. Rushman- enjoy.” Miranda said before walking out gracefully.

“You really think I’m right for the job?” Darcy asked self consciously as Natasha stood to look at the selected outfits.

“Of course- hell half of it you already do- now you’ll just get paid.”

“I guess...” Darcy trailed off as she ran her hands over the different work dresses.

“Try this one on.” Natasha said handing her a dark blue dress. “You take care of Jane. You force Tony to eat and sleep somewhere that isn’t his lab. You make Bruce socialize but know when he’s getting overwhelmed. You take the time to teach both Steve and Thor about modern things. You’ve been sleeping with Clint for months and managed to keep it quiet. And don’t think I didn’t see what you did with that reporter the other month.”

“You saw that? Well he was particularly annoying.” Darcy said coming out of the changing area in the dress. “This dress costs more than a months paycheck at my first job.”

“It looks amazing. Put it on the empty rack so we can buy it.” Natasha said, “And the reporter was asking you for pictures of Jane and Thor having sex. You had every right to imply all the ways a taser could be used erotically on him. What I’m saying is you already take care of us. You know what each of us like after a mission. Whenever I get home I have a shot of vodka and some pastries along with a trashy romance right by my bed.”

“Seriously that one was a huge surprise- badass Russian super spy has a secret love for Harlequin.” Darcy said as Natasha handed her a second dress.

“Bruce always finds a heated blanket, a cup of his calming tea and a new drawing some kid sends him as fan mail. Not that one. Not your color.” Natasha said to the yellow dress.

“Yellow isn’t any white persons color.” Darcy agreed, “The kids send lots of Hulk pictures. I think it’s because the Hulk looks like he can beat up the monsters under the bed.”

“Tony always gets some new music mix and one of his robots recalibrated so he has to fix it and can’t focus on what happened.”

“If he has something else to focus on right after a mission he doesn’t get as many panic attacks. Besides Jarvis does that. I don’t know robotics. Poly-sci student here.” Darcy insisted.

“Who's the one who gave Jarvis the idea?” Natasha asked as Darcy blushed.

“Steve has a hot bath waiting with swing music playing and new art supplies. Thor has Asgardian mead and enough food to feed a small village and I don’t really want to know exactly what you do for Clint after you hold him for an hour or two. Plus there’s always our favorite foods in our apartments and a group meal in the community kitchen for those who want that. You already take care of us. You cared enough to find out exactly what makes each of us feel better and you make sure we have it.” Natasha smiled. Darcy started to squirm as she kept trying on outfits for Natasha to reject or approve.

“Well when you put it that way...” Darcy said eyeing a blood red evening gown.

“Plus added bonus you didn’t correct them when they used my old cover name. You just went with it. You’ve spent enough time around opps that I’m willing to put good money on you learning to be very good at coordinating them.”

“I noticed the name thing. What was that about? Wasn’t Rushman your cover for when you worked for Tony as a PA?” Darcy asked.

“Yep.” Natasha replied.

“And didn’t that opp blow all over the internet when you did the whole wikileaks impression two months ago?” Darcy prodded.

“Yep.”

“So did no one here look at the internet?” Darcy asked, “I know Pepper was fielding questions about having a S.H.I.E.L.D agent in SI for weeks.”

“No, but I’m not the first or the last client to come in with a faked identity. These places take a clients privacy very seriously.” Natasha explained.

A few hours later the pair spent more than Darcy wanted to think about and headed back to the tower. Joan assured them that their purchases would be boxed and delivered to the tower that afternoon. The next day Pepper personally came to help Darcy set up her office and together they drafted a press release announcing that Darcy was the official representative of the Avengers.

Slowly Darcy got used to the job. Natasha had been right- she already did most of the things her job entailed. She sorted through the fan mail, made sure everyone was fed and watered and got sunlight every now and again. The biggest new part of her job was dealing with the media and organizing the Avengers schedules.

Steve brought Sam into the fold although he wasn’t around much. The public didn’t know him as well as they knew the rest of the Avengers so Sam was able to look for Bucky without attracting too much attention.

Two months after Darcy had been hired and four months after S.H.I.E.L.D fell the government had finally pulled themselves together enough to form several senate subcommittee's to investigate S.H.I.E.L.D. Sadly for Darcy that meant they were calling her to get to the Avengers.

“Senator you better have a damn good reason to call me at six in the morning.” Darcy said sitting up in Clint’s bed. She reached blindly around the end table for her glasses and her StarkPad.

“Look I told you, any subpoenas for the Avengers are to be sent to Fredricks, Mathews and Bosche’s. I’ve also told you that the Avengers have been operating independent from S.H.I.E.L.D since Manhattan.” Darcy waved to Clint as he sat up blearily trying to blink the sleep from his eyes. Darcy gathered the tablet up and slid on her robe before moving to the kitchen.

“Senator- I haven’t had coffee yet so forgive me for being blunt but you do realize what a stupid idea it is to put Captain fucking America on the senate floor and try to make him admit his childhood best friend whom he thought he lost for good is a dangerous killer instead of an oh I don’t know prisoner of fucking war? For that matter if you put the Black Widow on the stand she will also have to testify to the things she not only did before she defected but also all the equally shady things she did for the United States Government. The same goes for Hawkeye. Not to mention the Senate's track record with Tony on the stand. Or the intergalactic diplomacy issues with Thor- who has diplomatic immunity by the way. Not to mention the Hulk- do you really want the Hulk on the stand?  If you really want to open that entire can of worms be my guest. But send the damn subpoenas where they’re supposed to go, remember it’s an election year and don’t call me until I’ve had some coffee. Kay?” Darcy had pressed the coffee maker violently to turn it on as she hung up her phone.

“You know sometimes you scare me.” Clint said coming behind her.

“How did you hear me? Oh you never put your hearing aids in this early.” Darcy said turning to face him.

“The chance to hear you chew out a senator makes it worth it.” Clint told her dropping a kiss on her forehead.

“Still I want to practice more sign. I’m getting better.” Darcy said as she slowly signed.

“Much better.” Clint agreed. “Long day today?” He signed.

“I think so.” Darcy signed back. “The government wants you to testify.” She slowly finger spelled testify and waited for Clint to repeat the sign back to her.

“Good luck, I’m going back to bed.” Clint signed before kissing her and turning back to the bedroom. Darcy looked at the brewing coffee pot, her StarkPad and her phone. She tapped Clint on the shoulder to turn him back around.

“Me too.” She signed before grabbing his hand and walking back to the bedroom. The pair cuddled back in bed and fell back to sleep. Two hours later her phone rang a second time.

“Senator you do realize eight am is not better than six am?” She demanded as she picked up the phone.

“Darcy it’s me.” Natasha’s voice came over the phone. “We found him. Sam, Steve and I are bringing him in.”

“Fucking hell. I can’t sleep in at all today.” Darcy said shooting out of bed.

“They found him.” She signed to a bedraggled Clint when he lifted his head.

“Ok, I’ll meet you here in the med bay when you get in. No wait he’s been experimented on. How much does he remember?” She asked as she pulled cloths out of her drawer. This was she had a drawer on Clint’s floor.

“Everything. He’s not attacking anyone but he’s very skittish.” Natasha said. Darcy expected that Natasha was down playing exactly what skittish meant.

“Will he feel safe in Steve’s apartment?” Darcy asked.

“I think that would be best.” Natasha said.

“Ok meet me there. I’ll have food for all of you when you get home. And Tasha?”

“What?”

“I swear to god if anyone see’s any of you and bring the PR hell this is going to turn into down on me before I have a chance to put my plans into action I will kill all of you.” Darcy threatened.

“Yes ma’am. We’ll be back at the tower in an hour or so.” Natasha said.

“Good. I’ll meet you guys there.” Darcy hung up and twisted her spine to reach the back of her dress to zip up. Large hands replaced hers as Clint pulled up the zipper for her.

“I have to go.” She signed.

“You do you.” He signed back, “Text if you need anything.”

“Will do. I have to remember to send Sarah a card for making sure I get that raise.” Darcy joked.

“I have to send Pepper a card for getting us the best babysitter in town.” Clint signed back. Darcy’s joke of being the Avengers babysitter had caught on in the team and from them it had flown to the media. Super Hero Nanny had been one particularly memorable headline.

“See when you say that naked it just looks dirty.” Darcy signed back before kissing him and heading out of the apartment.

Her job was weird. She was a glorified babysitter to a god, three scientists, an ex carnie/assassin/boyfriend, a Russian assassin, a super solider and a regular war vet who happened to fly on wings and it looked like she was about to add another fucking super soldier assassin to the mix. At least her job wasn’t boring. Darcy powered up her StarkPad and clicked to the file she made a month ago on what to do if and when Bucky was found. She immediately leaked the information that the senate was trying to subpoena the Avengers and Steve’s response to accusations that Bucky was a traitor. She also released several video clips of Sam talking about the horrors of PTSD and how P.O.W’s were treated. By the time the Avengers released the information that Bucky was in from the cold the American people would be screaming their support of him and damning anyone who tried to do otherwise.

After all it was an election year.

 


End file.
